techno(logy) viking

The other day while I was at work I was covering a class for a teacher who had a sudden (insert illness/attack/seizure here.) I had some down time because apparently they get an hour and a half to just "chill" so of course me being the nosy person I am I went through the book shelf that she has for the kids. With a yawn worthy selection of books I was fucking pumped to find she had The Giving Tree. I remember reading this book as a kid and feeling warm and fuzzy inside. I decided to re-read it and It's so sad, I dont know why I loved that book as a child. During my intense anxiety filled moment over the fact that the guy in the book is an asshole, I ended up losing my innocence.



This is the biggest picture I have ever seen, at least 5x5 (inches not feet) also (that's what she said). I was shocked, he's a beloved children s book author and illustrator, as soon as I saw that all I could imagine was Shel Silverstein asking someone if they'd like to party in his van down by the river.

My best friend tried to give me an explanation for this "It was the 80s, you have to ugly that shit up, the uglier the better."

So im going to hope for my sake, and the loss of my childhood that Shel was listening to some INXS had the flock of seagulls haircut going on and decided to shave that hair off, and ugly it up.

In other news, the trailer for Where the Wild Things Are is out and I AM PUMPED.



If this movie isn't amazing, I can just say goodbye to a crucial part of my childhood.

Liquid Pouch

http://www.thisiswhyyourefat.com/



Turbaconucken, turkey wrapped in bacon with a duck, or some variation. My heart stopped while I saw that.



Bacon shell taco.

For reals.


Also in other news, it's my grandparents 53rd wedding anniversary. Keep on truckin!

Have you heard of a little band called...LIMP BIZKIT?

2009 is shaping up to be the most amazing musical year to date.

Blink 182 is getting back together!
No Doubt is making another cd (fuck yes)
and most importantly
LIMP BIZKIT IS REUNITING WITH WES BORLAND!

Time to bring back my first email 'bizkitgrl08@yahoo.com' (it should say 09 now)


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Im in love ♥

the incredible shrinking person

Ive come to realize Im somewhat of a judgmental person. Not on purpose, but when I see people acting ridiculously I cant help it, I want to call them out on their debauchery and foolishness and tell them to settle down. Much was the case last night.

Fights are stupid, there are only a few good reasons to fight.

1. Fighting for love, the greatest of all fights
2. Fighting because someone stole your lunch again after you had labeled it and only left it in the fridge for an hour

Most people should understand that mixing copious amounts of alcohol and being in a confined space will usually cause trouble.

So last night I witnessed the dumbest fight known to man. There was a very drunk man drinking "Milwaukees best" aka, piss water and another guy with a Fedora and striped pants. Both gentleman had on JNCOS and apparently this was the reason for their fight. One of the guys who worked there sat down and Milwaulkees best got mad, slapped him. Well the guy punched him back (because really, who slaps someone) and then Jnco fedora jumped on him, started punching him, and choking him. I can see how Milwaulkees best and Fedora are friends, they both fight like girls.

Well during the 4 on 1 fight, a girl got punched, her boyfriend got beer on his face. And my dream team of my best friend and sister saved the day by 1. not allowing said fight to come over here 2. giving his gf ibprofen and a cold bottle to put on her face and 3. befriending them. They were both adorable nice people and we're now invited to her bridal shower.

Fighting is stupid, guys who drink Milwaulkees best is stupid, so are JNCO pants, this is why you're a virgin because you drink bad beer and you wear ugly pants, this also might be the reason why people want to fight you.

pop my collar

I assume everyone understands my stance on camaro's, mustangs, and popped collars. Usually the owners of such things are douchebags. I will however say the first two I have met cool people who own both the Camaro and Mustang and I do not hate. However majority=douchebag.

I have been cursed, with the fact that people seem to see me and tell me the most intimate details of their lives. Usually its break up information and I am always willing to lend an ear, however my advice is rarely taken.

The other day coming out of my very early morning class I see a gentleman that I went to HS with and occasionally talk with, and by occasionally I mean we speak every once in a while and its usually "Hows school, how did you do on the test. " I lent him my notes once and in other countries note lending= friends 4ever.

He sits down and asks me if I have a minute, im doing homework but I did promise my probation officer I would be nicer and so begins my story. I realize that I give a lot of background information but I dont care.

I find out that
1. She broke up with him and is now dating someone else, he found out on facebook.
2. He was apparently going to "drop a bill" (I dont understand did he want her to pay a bill of his?) on her because he is now working.
3. When they would go to restaurants they would always offer them "the best wine" because they looked so much older than they are. They would ask them 'hey are you guys 24 and 25. He would laugh, I hope not revealing his true age because apparently they were both underage during this wine festival.
4. She is a crazy bitch, BUT HE MISSES HER.
5. He would tell her she was fat, and she should work out. From my facebook detective work I find out she is on the volleyball team.

"You're fat, maybe you should work out, I work out, I can bench two times my weight, IM IN THE BEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE (thanks bowflex) I mean maybe you should work out and then throw up and then work out again."

He asked me what he did and how he could fix it, and I wanted to yell YOU'RE A DOUCHEBAG.

But I didnt. Instead I told him breakups take time and he should just give his heart time to heal.


Anyways entire time, he has his collar popped, I thought it was a mistake maybe in his grief he had forgotten how to wear a shirt but upon further examination I realized nope he likes to pop his collar.

And with that moment, I died a little on the inside.

Moral of the story? Dont pop your collar, oh and be a douchebag to your significant other.

dateline el paso!

Im pretty sure there is a crazy hobo woman who lives in the library. I know I shouldn't judge but every single time I come here (and lately I feel like I am at the library every day) I see her and she's always wearing the same thing. Part of me believes she isnt homeless but perhaps (and for some reason why do I feel like this is the better option) insane?

1. She has a half mullet/half dreadlocks. The top part is feathered and poofy the bottom part is ratted and dreadlocky, and I have no issues with dreads but these are awfffullll.

2. Always wearing a white business suit with torn panty hose and orthopedic shoes. Every. single. fucking. time.

3.Wears makeup but in excess, her foundation doesnt match. Think Tammy Faye, but on crack. Huge blotches of pink, its like how I felt watching Sarah Palin on the debates, someone blend her cheeks dammit.

I dont know if she's a hobo, or an insane math teacher. She always carries a suitcase and quite possibly is just an eccentric professor who is figuring out the speed of light or something smart. I want to high five her and then spray her with purell.

Dear Adam Brody,

Dear Adam Brody (Or to whom it may concern:)

My youngest (and only) sister has left for college, after repeated threats to move out of my house my mother offered the only thing she could, a new room. I was getting used to my dungeon, I had even timed my fan to hit me in all the right spots so that my body would not wither up if given the chance. Even though I have become accustomed to this death trap that I call home I was happy and ready to move onto cooler pastures.

Even though my sister has been at home for 18 years I for some reason (maybe ignorance, maybe bliss?) had ignored her walls. It wasn't until tonight on the eve of my revolution against my awful university* that I decided I was going to start the redecoration process. The first small step was to remove what was on her walls.

Thats when I noticed it, you, Adam Brody, Star of the once popular television mellowdrama the OC were plastered all over her walls. I had no idea you were so popular, is it your playful smile or your eyes that look straight into my soul, or was it the fact that you were cashing in on your boyhood charm that was now paying for your over priced yacht and house over looking the Hollywood Hills? Maybe someone the studio hired to only plump up your ego told you that you were hott, you were so hott that you needed to spell hott with two t's. They also told you that you should cash in on this phenomenon that is your face. Either way I had no idea that it was possible to have so many pictures of you in one place. I woke up this morning and scared the shit out of myself because I caught you staring at me. Either way your face (along with your career) is going in the same place I put my Davey Havok poster collection, in a box under my bed.

In my next installment of what the fuck were you thinking, I am going to be writing to Colin Farrell and the cast of High School Musical.