Truthfully I believed that underground street fighting only existed in Jean Claude Van Damyouarelame movies. However as I soon found out there is a vast world filled with underground street fighting (how many times can I say that phrase in a sentence so far, 3) its a dangerous life and only the strong survive. Before I tell the tale of Mr. *Barry Schmelly I should mention where I work.
I'm a tutor, at a middle school. Barry is a special aid teacher who casually mentioned in passing that he used to be an underground street fighter. Obviously being the type of person I am I instantly felt he was the most amazing person in the entire world, and somehow he managed to surpass amazing and turn into legendary when he tells my coworkers and I that he began his street fighting career by fighting bums. Yes, bum fights.
Apparently in the underground fighting league, you start out by fighting bums. I don't know if this is common practice in all underground street fighting leagues. Also I assume there are leagues, like soccer leagues, but with fighters. Anyways so as Barry is telling us the lie that is his life he mentions that not only was he made to fight bums but there were many fights that he had to fight to the death. While he is spewing these lies out of his mouth I am obviously more concerned with the most important detail. The uniform. What did he have to wear? I mean is it a requirement to dress Jean Claude? Does wearing Mc Hammer pants make you a better fighter? Also, is there music? Do you get to pick music? I think the most obvious choice to music is the Mortal Kombat theme song. You know which one 'MORTALLLLLLLLLLLLL KOMBAT' because if you're fighting underground to the death you want to feel like a bad ass. Sure you could pick something else but would you really feel like a badass? No, I didnt think so especially if you're wearing this.
*Barry Schmelly is the name he went by during his Underground Fighting days.
No comments:
Post a Comment