Im pretty sure there is a crazy hobo woman who lives in the library. I know I shouldn't judge but every single time I come here (and lately I feel like I am at the library every day) I see her and she's always wearing the same thing. Part of me believes she isnt homeless but perhaps (and for some reason why do I feel like this is the better option) insane?
1. She has a half mullet/half dreadlocks. The top part is feathered and poofy the bottom part is ratted and dreadlocky, and I have no issues with dreads but these are awfffullll.
2. Always wearing a white business suit with torn panty hose and orthopedic shoes. Every. single. fucking. time.
3.Wears makeup but in excess, her foundation doesnt match. Think Tammy Faye, but on crack. Huge blotches of pink, its like how I felt watching Sarah Palin on the debates, someone blend her cheeks dammit.
I dont know if she's a hobo, or an insane math teacher. She always carries a suitcase and quite possibly is just an eccentric professor who is figuring out the speed of light or something smart. I want to high five her and then spray her with purell.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Dear Adam Brody,
Dear Adam Brody (Or to whom it may concern:)
My youngest (and only) sister has left for college, after repeated threats to move out of my house my mother offered the only thing she could, a new room. I was getting used to my dungeon, I had even timed my fan to hit me in all the right spots so that my body would not wither up if given the chance. Even though I have become accustomed to this death trap that I call home I was happy and ready to move onto cooler pastures.
Even though my sister has been at home for 18 years I for some reason (maybe ignorance, maybe bliss?) had ignored her walls. It wasn't until tonight on the eve of my revolution against my awful university* that I decided I was going to start the redecoration process. The first small step was to remove what was on her walls.
Thats when I noticed it, you, Adam Brody, Star of the once popular television mellowdrama the OC were plastered all over her walls. I had no idea you were so popular, is it your playful smile or your eyes that look straight into my soul, or was it the fact that you were cashing in on your boyhood charm that was now paying for your over priced yacht and house over looking the Hollywood Hills? Maybe someone the studio hired to only plump up your ego told you that you were hott, you were so hott that you needed to spell hott with two t's. They also told you that you should cash in on this phenomenon that is your face. Either way I had no idea that it was possible to have so many pictures of you in one place. I woke up this morning and scared the shit out of myself because I caught you staring at me. Either way your face (along with your career) is going in the same place I put my Davey Havok poster collection, in a box under my bed.
In my next installment of what the fuck were you thinking, I am going to be writing to Colin Farrell and the cast of High School Musical.
My youngest (and only) sister has left for college, after repeated threats to move out of my house my mother offered the only thing she could, a new room. I was getting used to my dungeon, I had even timed my fan to hit me in all the right spots so that my body would not wither up if given the chance. Even though I have become accustomed to this death trap that I call home I was happy and ready to move onto cooler pastures.
Even though my sister has been at home for 18 years I for some reason (maybe ignorance, maybe bliss?) had ignored her walls. It wasn't until tonight on the eve of my revolution against my awful university* that I decided I was going to start the redecoration process. The first small step was to remove what was on her walls.
Thats when I noticed it, you, Adam Brody, Star of the once popular television mellowdrama the OC were plastered all over her walls. I had no idea you were so popular, is it your playful smile or your eyes that look straight into my soul, or was it the fact that you were cashing in on your boyhood charm that was now paying for your over priced yacht and house over looking the Hollywood Hills? Maybe someone the studio hired to only plump up your ego told you that you were hott, you were so hott that you needed to spell hott with two t's. They also told you that you should cash in on this phenomenon that is your face. Either way I had no idea that it was possible to have so many pictures of you in one place. I woke up this morning and scared the shit out of myself because I caught you staring at me. Either way your face (along with your career) is going in the same place I put my Davey Havok poster collection, in a box under my bed.
In my next installment of what the fuck were you thinking, I am going to be writing to Colin Farrell and the cast of High School Musical.
Monday, July 14, 2008
ARCNO**(give me a beat)
I know I know. It's been a long time since I have updated and my 7 or so readers have been complaining (not). I haven't found any reason to update even though there have been many hilarious moments in my life.
I started this summer looking for a job I put a good solid 2 weeks of effort, I was offered a few jobs but seeing as im lazy I turned a lot of things down. I was yelled at by principals and swindled by other people but my spirits were still high. After one eventful day I heard about a job for social activism. I immediately started thinking of how my autobiography would go..."For a while I was a social activist, I helped bring about change in third world countries while also bringing the gift of laughter to young impoverished children." Apparently though I was headed for the surprise of my lifetime when I actually became a social activist.
This organization is pretty well known, they have offices around the country and for the most part are a decent well thought out organization which fights for communities. ARCNO* started working with Project Election* which was supposed to register people to vote around different cities. The first meeting/ (job interview) they basically explained the entire process to us and to weed out anyone who really didn't want to do this. We were there for 3 hours and as the head of Project Election* had scared us by telling us we needed 20 voter registration cards or we'd be fired, we needed to be outgoing or we'd be fired, we needed to be heartless or we'd be fired... you get the drift. I should have taken that first warning sign and ran far far away.
So I went from social activist to canvaser. The first day I was really unprepared, I brought water and sunscreen and that was it. They gave me a clipboard, sent me with 3 other people to a seemingly safe part of town. The first few minutes of my new job were glorious! I ended up getting 2 people to register, after hearing horror stories of going hours without one person I felt as if I could do this job. Some people were nice and other people were assholes but I guess that was to be expected. The first day I ended up getting 15 voter registration cards with only 3 that were unusable. Which was pretty good, I came home burnt, with a bit of sun stroke but I was enthusiastic. To my horror the next day was the straw that broke the camels back.
I was prepared the next day to do better, I brought a backpack, I had everything you'd need to be a hobo in my city. Apparently because I was bilingual my boss thought it would be hilarious and productive if he sent me to the downtown bus station. I went with 2 other people and off we went. Within the first 20 minutes of work I was able to coax a young man into registering to vote, he told me with a stern face "IF I DONT GET MY FAVORITE SEAT ON THE BUS IM GOING TO BE REALLY ANGRY" so I hoped for my sake (and his) he got his god damn favorite seat. I encountered people who did not understand why they had to put a zip code. I would calmly explain that we needed a zip code to send the card in the mail but in my head I would wonder how exactly these people were surviving in society.
I then met an older gentleman who refused to register to vote. Seeing as im the type of person who wants to know why exactly one doesn't want to vote I pestered him for a hot minute. He saw my enthusiasm and decided to tell me exactly why he doesn't want to vote.
1. The government doesn't care about him.
-- He had the word GUILTY tattooed on his neck and said the government gave him a bad rap, he was being judged unfairly.
2. He had 3 felonies he wondered how many until you can't vote. I told him 1 felony wasn't enough but 3 was too many. Then I laughed nervously, because you should definitely make fun of a guy in a makeshift alleyway in the middle of the day when he out weighs you by 300 lbs.
However instead of making me into a fabulous skin suit he decided to ask about me and what I was doing with my life. I told him that I was still in school and hopefully going to law school. His eyes lit up and with a serious face he asks me if I would ever defend him (in case of course he wants to have 4 felonies, after 6 felonies you get a free hat) I told him sure but I wouldn't be a lawyer for a few years but to look me up. To which he wrote down my name and the next time he was in trouble he'd ask for me.
Most people would have ran but I decided of all the possibilities I could encounter by walking the streets with the cities most interesting people. Of course on the inside I was dying but I lied to myself and said I could do it.
I encountered many ex cons who would flash me a sly grin and say "sorry mami I have a record" and as unfortunate as this sounds, they all look the same, neck tattoos and a distaste for law enforcement. The best part of my job was the hobos, or as one of them said "in transition individuals". Surprisingly a lot of hobos had addresses...and drivers licenses...but thats another story. I did have a few "crazy hobos" tell me I was pretty and ask me if I'd like to go on a date with them. The thought crossed my mind I wont lie but unfortunately I denied most of their advances.
By the end of the day I was emotionally drained and definitely suffering from sun stroke. My asthma was acting up and when I enthusiastically told my mom about the awesome people I had encountered she had to talk me out of going back to work. I explained to her that the streets had called out my name and this was my calling she threw aloe vera on me and told me to go to bed.
Social activist one day, unemployed college student the next.
** names have been changed...because I don't want to get sued.
I started this summer looking for a job I put a good solid 2 weeks of effort, I was offered a few jobs but seeing as im lazy I turned a lot of things down. I was yelled at by principals and swindled by other people but my spirits were still high. After one eventful day I heard about a job for social activism. I immediately started thinking of how my autobiography would go..."For a while I was a social activist, I helped bring about change in third world countries while also bringing the gift of laughter to young impoverished children." Apparently though I was headed for the surprise of my lifetime when I actually became a social activist.
This organization is pretty well known, they have offices around the country and for the most part are a decent well thought out organization which fights for communities. ARCNO* started working with Project Election* which was supposed to register people to vote around different cities. The first meeting/ (job interview) they basically explained the entire process to us and to weed out anyone who really didn't want to do this. We were there for 3 hours and as the head of Project Election* had scared us by telling us we needed 20 voter registration cards or we'd be fired, we needed to be outgoing or we'd be fired, we needed to be heartless or we'd be fired... you get the drift. I should have taken that first warning sign and ran far far away.
So I went from social activist to canvaser. The first day I was really unprepared, I brought water and sunscreen and that was it. They gave me a clipboard, sent me with 3 other people to a seemingly safe part of town. The first few minutes of my new job were glorious! I ended up getting 2 people to register, after hearing horror stories of going hours without one person I felt as if I could do this job. Some people were nice and other people were assholes but I guess that was to be expected. The first day I ended up getting 15 voter registration cards with only 3 that were unusable. Which was pretty good, I came home burnt, with a bit of sun stroke but I was enthusiastic. To my horror the next day was the straw that broke the camels back.
I was prepared the next day to do better, I brought a backpack, I had everything you'd need to be a hobo in my city. Apparently because I was bilingual my boss thought it would be hilarious and productive if he sent me to the downtown bus station. I went with 2 other people and off we went. Within the first 20 minutes of work I was able to coax a young man into registering to vote, he told me with a stern face "IF I DONT GET MY FAVORITE SEAT ON THE BUS IM GOING TO BE REALLY ANGRY" so I hoped for my sake (and his) he got his god damn favorite seat. I encountered people who did not understand why they had to put a zip code. I would calmly explain that we needed a zip code to send the card in the mail but in my head I would wonder how exactly these people were surviving in society.
I then met an older gentleman who refused to register to vote. Seeing as im the type of person who wants to know why exactly one doesn't want to vote I pestered him for a hot minute. He saw my enthusiasm and decided to tell me exactly why he doesn't want to vote.
1. The government doesn't care about him.
-- He had the word GUILTY tattooed on his neck and said the government gave him a bad rap, he was being judged unfairly.
2. He had 3 felonies he wondered how many until you can't vote. I told him 1 felony wasn't enough but 3 was too many. Then I laughed nervously, because you should definitely make fun of a guy in a makeshift alleyway in the middle of the day when he out weighs you by 300 lbs.
However instead of making me into a fabulous skin suit he decided to ask about me and what I was doing with my life. I told him that I was still in school and hopefully going to law school. His eyes lit up and with a serious face he asks me if I would ever defend him (in case of course he wants to have 4 felonies, after 6 felonies you get a free hat) I told him sure but I wouldn't be a lawyer for a few years but to look me up. To which he wrote down my name and the next time he was in trouble he'd ask for me.
Most people would have ran but I decided of all the possibilities I could encounter by walking the streets with the cities most interesting people. Of course on the inside I was dying but I lied to myself and said I could do it.
I encountered many ex cons who would flash me a sly grin and say "sorry mami I have a record" and as unfortunate as this sounds, they all look the same, neck tattoos and a distaste for law enforcement. The best part of my job was the hobos, or as one of them said "in transition individuals". Surprisingly a lot of hobos had addresses...and drivers licenses...but thats another story. I did have a few "crazy hobos" tell me I was pretty and ask me if I'd like to go on a date with them. The thought crossed my mind I wont lie but unfortunately I denied most of their advances.
By the end of the day I was emotionally drained and definitely suffering from sun stroke. My asthma was acting up and when I enthusiastically told my mom about the awesome people I had encountered she had to talk me out of going back to work. I explained to her that the streets had called out my name and this was my calling she threw aloe vera on me and told me to go to bed.
Social activist one day, unemployed college student the next.
** names have been changed...because I don't want to get sued.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
sushi, lou rawls, nipples
Last Thursday (as in 2 days ago) I went to my best friends workplace, and hung out with her and watched her close shop. She works in a hipster part of town but still sort of dangerous (I don't know if that adds onto the hipster points or subtracts) and we're convinced its mildly haunted.
I met one of the regular customers, a mild mannered 27 year old medical coder who had medium length white socks on and shorts I was not enamored like my counterpart was with his dorky white socks and adorable short stature.
As she coincidentally finished cleaning up early we decided to go and eat sushi because what else does one do after they finish working at a hipster coffee place. We went to "The sushi place" (actual name im not that clever) and it's this tiny adorable place by all the bars. Immediately I saw it was prime spot to take your date if you wanted to impress him or her. We sat down and noticed that there were hyenas everywhere. The table next to us had at least 15+ girls screeching/laughing/gossiping which if you combine that noise you get a hyena who is being murdered slowly. We figured out that the one with the headband was the culprit of the noise, the new goal was now to kill headband girl. We planned on throwing chopsticks at her until she settled down but we realized we'd be kicked out and trampled by her sidekick(s) so we tried to tune out the pack but it was hard. I was getting irritated because this tiny place could not hold the sound decibels these women were producing. I feared for my life because frankly the doors were glass, the sushi producing thingamabob was glass and the table, GLASS.
The other patrons were getting annoyed you heard a few well placed "SHHHHHHH's" and the girls would turn, and instantly you felt 500 beady eyes staring at you wondering what YOUR problem was. To distract from my potential problem I noticed the couple to the right of me was on the most awkward date. Luckily I know how to ease drop and I was listening to them talk. Let me describe the situation in further detail:
Guy was wearing a button down green? red? I don't know shirt and his khaki pants were nearly raised up to his knees, way past his ankles so I realized taper city when he stood up (I would have been past delight and into the point of ecstasy if they had been high waters) but unfortunately they hit the top of his shoes like clockwork. I think he had penny loafers on, I don't know what penny loafers are for guys except I know if I saw them id be screaming "oh hey virgin whats up you wanna buy me a Shirley temple?" His date looked like a college sorority delphinium phi she had this brown shirt on and RED JEANS. I am probably colorblind as I believe everything matches with black but bitch plz, red jeans? Really? Going past her outfit I realized the stuff coming out of her mouth was PRICELESS.
"You know when I graduate what am I going to do? I cant just pour coffee for the rest of my life, I mean yeah I could...I had to work up the ladder to get to the position I am at. It's really hard out there!"
Our food came, it was delicious, I cant use chopsticks I figured out how to do it incorrectly, we had miso soup which was also delicious "It tastes like the sea!"
All in all good night. I will leave everyone with words from my mentor: I know how to bust a move!
I met one of the regular customers, a mild mannered 27 year old medical coder who had medium length white socks on and shorts I was not enamored like my counterpart was with his dorky white socks and adorable short stature.
As she coincidentally finished cleaning up early we decided to go and eat sushi because what else does one do after they finish working at a hipster coffee place. We went to "The sushi place" (actual name im not that clever) and it's this tiny adorable place by all the bars. Immediately I saw it was prime spot to take your date if you wanted to impress him or her. We sat down and noticed that there were hyenas everywhere. The table next to us had at least 15+ girls screeching/laughing/gossiping which if you combine that noise you get a hyena who is being murdered slowly. We figured out that the one with the headband was the culprit of the noise, the new goal was now to kill headband girl. We planned on throwing chopsticks at her until she settled down but we realized we'd be kicked out and trampled by her sidekick(s) so we tried to tune out the pack but it was hard. I was getting irritated because this tiny place could not hold the sound decibels these women were producing. I feared for my life because frankly the doors were glass, the sushi producing thingamabob was glass and the table, GLASS.
The other patrons were getting annoyed you heard a few well placed "SHHHHHHH's" and the girls would turn, and instantly you felt 500 beady eyes staring at you wondering what YOUR problem was. To distract from my potential problem I noticed the couple to the right of me was on the most awkward date. Luckily I know how to ease drop and I was listening to them talk. Let me describe the situation in further detail:
Guy was wearing a button down green? red? I don't know shirt and his khaki pants were nearly raised up to his knees, way past his ankles so I realized taper city when he stood up (I would have been past delight and into the point of ecstasy if they had been high waters) but unfortunately they hit the top of his shoes like clockwork. I think he had penny loafers on, I don't know what penny loafers are for guys except I know if I saw them id be screaming "oh hey virgin whats up you wanna buy me a Shirley temple?" His date looked like a college sorority delphinium phi she had this brown shirt on and RED JEANS. I am probably colorblind as I believe everything matches with black but bitch plz, red jeans? Really? Going past her outfit I realized the stuff coming out of her mouth was PRICELESS.
"You know when I graduate what am I going to do? I cant just pour coffee for the rest of my life, I mean yeah I could...I had to work up the ladder to get to the position I am at. It's really hard out there!"
Our food came, it was delicious, I cant use chopsticks I figured out how to do it incorrectly, we had miso soup which was also delicious "It tastes like the sea!"
All in all good night. I will leave everyone with words from my mentor: I know how to bust a move!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
up the punx!
No me importa lo que
piensa la gente de mí
que si traigo el pelo
de alguna manera
porque me gusta traerlo asi
Que por qué escucho
ese tipo de música??
si es la que me gusta oir
Critican todo lo que ven en mí
inventan chismes que no son ciertos
Con quien hablo, con quién salgo,
con quién ando,
que te importa? es mi vida
si yo no le hago daño a nadie
quién eres tú para decirme
cómo vivir, quién eres tú?
Me vale lo que piensen,hablen de mí
es mi vida y yo soy asi,simón!!
me vale lo que piensen,hablen de mí
es mi vida y yo soy asi!
Chorus
Porque me vale vale vaale,
me vale todo
Me vale vale vaale,
me vale todo
si no me entienden o comprenden
pues ya ni modo!
porque me vale vale vaale
me vale todo
No puedes criticar algo
sin conocerlo primero
sere muy feo por afuera
pero muy bello por adentro
si eres una de esas personas
te tengo una solución
en vez de estar fregando
y molestandome asi
dedicate a encontrar
que esta mal en tí
por que...
Me vale lo que piensen
hablen de mí, es mi vida
y yo soy asi, simón!
Me vale lo que piensen,
hablen de mí, es mi vida
y yo soy asi por que...
Chorus-repeat
Mientras los reprimidos
andan aburridos
yo no ando, de jodido
no tengo broncas
porque soy yo mismo
Hablen lo que quieran...
qué piensa o murmura la gente de mi?
qué piensan los vecinos de mi?
qué piensan los maestros de mi?
qué piensa la autoridad de mí?
qué piensan mis padres de mí?
qué piensan mis suegros de mí?
qué piensa todo el mundo de mí?
Sólo tengo que decir:
me vaaaaaaaaleeee
me vaaaaaaaleee
ponganse al tanto
porque el mundo gira rápido
ponganse al tiro
o se quedarán atrás
The summer of badass is really turning out well.
piensa la gente de mí
que si traigo el pelo
de alguna manera
porque me gusta traerlo asi
Que por qué escucho
ese tipo de música??
si es la que me gusta oir
Critican todo lo que ven en mí
inventan chismes que no son ciertos
Con quien hablo, con quién salgo,
con quién ando,
que te importa? es mi vida
si yo no le hago daño a nadie
quién eres tú para decirme
cómo vivir, quién eres tú?
Me vale lo que piensen,hablen de mí
es mi vida y yo soy asi,simón!!
me vale lo que piensen,hablen de mí
es mi vida y yo soy asi!
Chorus
Porque me vale vale vaale,
me vale todo
Me vale vale vaale,
me vale todo
si no me entienden o comprenden
pues ya ni modo!
porque me vale vale vaale
me vale todo
No puedes criticar algo
sin conocerlo primero
sere muy feo por afuera
pero muy bello por adentro
si eres una de esas personas
te tengo una solución
en vez de estar fregando
y molestandome asi
dedicate a encontrar
que esta mal en tí
por que...
Me vale lo que piensen
hablen de mí, es mi vida
y yo soy asi, simón!
Me vale lo que piensen,
hablen de mí, es mi vida
y yo soy asi por que...
Chorus-repeat
Mientras los reprimidos
andan aburridos
yo no ando, de jodido
no tengo broncas
porque soy yo mismo
Hablen lo que quieran...
qué piensa o murmura la gente de mi?
qué piensan los vecinos de mi?
qué piensan los maestros de mi?
qué piensa la autoridad de mí?
qué piensan mis padres de mí?
qué piensan mis suegros de mí?
qué piensa todo el mundo de mí?
Sólo tengo que decir:
me vaaaaaaaaleeee
me vaaaaaaaleee
ponganse al tanto
porque el mundo gira rápido
ponganse al tiro
o se quedarán atrás
The summer of badass is really turning out well.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
ill keep the sun in my eyes, but i dont mind.
In accordance to never showing my face on this blog, Im showing my 5 or so readers how I spend my hard earned money. Im considering moving away soon, I need another city far far away, this one has recently become too small, everyone knows everyone and it's getting annoying. Hopefully I can go somewhere that will accept me for my sweet ink brah.*
* I hope this sweet ink will wash off my Wednesday when I have to work, lol.
Friday, May 9, 2008
beyond the gray sky
School is out for the summer. I finished my last final a few hours ago.
Summer of awesome has officially started!
Summer goals:
Learn to do this!
Summer of awesome has officially started!
Summer goals:
Learn to do this!
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