techno(logy) viking

The other day while I was at work I was covering a class for a teacher who had a sudden (insert illness/attack/seizure here.) I had some down time because apparently they get an hour and a half to just "chill" so of course me being the nosy person I am I went through the book shelf that she has for the kids. With a yawn worthy selection of books I was fucking pumped to find she had The Giving Tree. I remember reading this book as a kid and feeling warm and fuzzy inside. I decided to re-read it and It's so sad, I dont know why I loved that book as a child. During my intense anxiety filled moment over the fact that the guy in the book is an asshole, I ended up losing my innocence.



This is the biggest picture I have ever seen, at least 5x5 (inches not feet) also (that's what she said). I was shocked, he's a beloved children s book author and illustrator, as soon as I saw that all I could imagine was Shel Silverstein asking someone if they'd like to party in his van down by the river.

My best friend tried to give me an explanation for this "It was the 80s, you have to ugly that shit up, the uglier the better."

So im going to hope for my sake, and the loss of my childhood that Shel was listening to some INXS had the flock of seagulls haircut going on and decided to shave that hair off, and ugly it up.

In other news, the trailer for Where the Wild Things Are is out and I AM PUMPED.



If this movie isn't amazing, I can just say goodbye to a crucial part of my childhood.

Liquid Pouch

http://www.thisiswhyyourefat.com/



Turbaconucken, turkey wrapped in bacon with a duck, or some variation. My heart stopped while I saw that.



Bacon shell taco.

For reals.


Also in other news, it's my grandparents 53rd wedding anniversary. Keep on truckin!

Have you heard of a little band called...LIMP BIZKIT?

2009 is shaping up to be the most amazing musical year to date.

Blink 182 is getting back together!
No Doubt is making another cd (fuck yes)
and most importantly
LIMP BIZKIT IS REUNITING WITH WES BORLAND!

Time to bring back my first email 'bizkitgrl08@yahoo.com' (it should say 09 now)


+


Im in love ♥

the incredible shrinking person

Ive come to realize Im somewhat of a judgmental person. Not on purpose, but when I see people acting ridiculously I cant help it, I want to call them out on their debauchery and foolishness and tell them to settle down. Much was the case last night.

Fights are stupid, there are only a few good reasons to fight.

1. Fighting for love, the greatest of all fights
2. Fighting because someone stole your lunch again after you had labeled it and only left it in the fridge for an hour

Most people should understand that mixing copious amounts of alcohol and being in a confined space will usually cause trouble.

So last night I witnessed the dumbest fight known to man. There was a very drunk man drinking "Milwaukees best" aka, piss water and another guy with a Fedora and striped pants. Both gentleman had on JNCOS and apparently this was the reason for their fight. One of the guys who worked there sat down and Milwaulkees best got mad, slapped him. Well the guy punched him back (because really, who slaps someone) and then Jnco fedora jumped on him, started punching him, and choking him. I can see how Milwaulkees best and Fedora are friends, they both fight like girls.

Well during the 4 on 1 fight, a girl got punched, her boyfriend got beer on his face. And my dream team of my best friend and sister saved the day by 1. not allowing said fight to come over here 2. giving his gf ibprofen and a cold bottle to put on her face and 3. befriending them. They were both adorable nice people and we're now invited to her bridal shower.

Fighting is stupid, guys who drink Milwaulkees best is stupid, so are JNCO pants, this is why you're a virgin because you drink bad beer and you wear ugly pants, this also might be the reason why people want to fight you.

pop my collar

I assume everyone understands my stance on camaro's, mustangs, and popped collars. Usually the owners of such things are douchebags. I will however say the first two I have met cool people who own both the Camaro and Mustang and I do not hate. However majority=douchebag.

I have been cursed, with the fact that people seem to see me and tell me the most intimate details of their lives. Usually its break up information and I am always willing to lend an ear, however my advice is rarely taken.

The other day coming out of my very early morning class I see a gentleman that I went to HS with and occasionally talk with, and by occasionally I mean we speak every once in a while and its usually "Hows school, how did you do on the test. " I lent him my notes once and in other countries note lending= friends 4ever.

He sits down and asks me if I have a minute, im doing homework but I did promise my probation officer I would be nicer and so begins my story. I realize that I give a lot of background information but I dont care.

I find out that
1. She broke up with him and is now dating someone else, he found out on facebook.
2. He was apparently going to "drop a bill" (I dont understand did he want her to pay a bill of his?) on her because he is now working.
3. When they would go to restaurants they would always offer them "the best wine" because they looked so much older than they are. They would ask them 'hey are you guys 24 and 25. He would laugh, I hope not revealing his true age because apparently they were both underage during this wine festival.
4. She is a crazy bitch, BUT HE MISSES HER.
5. He would tell her she was fat, and she should work out. From my facebook detective work I find out she is on the volleyball team.

"You're fat, maybe you should work out, I work out, I can bench two times my weight, IM IN THE BEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE (thanks bowflex) I mean maybe you should work out and then throw up and then work out again."

He asked me what he did and how he could fix it, and I wanted to yell YOU'RE A DOUCHEBAG.

But I didnt. Instead I told him breakups take time and he should just give his heart time to heal.


Anyways entire time, he has his collar popped, I thought it was a mistake maybe in his grief he had forgotten how to wear a shirt but upon further examination I realized nope he likes to pop his collar.

And with that moment, I died a little on the inside.

Moral of the story? Dont pop your collar, oh and be a douchebag to your significant other.

dateline el paso!

Im pretty sure there is a crazy hobo woman who lives in the library. I know I shouldn't judge but every single time I come here (and lately I feel like I am at the library every day) I see her and she's always wearing the same thing. Part of me believes she isnt homeless but perhaps (and for some reason why do I feel like this is the better option) insane?

1. She has a half mullet/half dreadlocks. The top part is feathered and poofy the bottom part is ratted and dreadlocky, and I have no issues with dreads but these are awfffullll.

2. Always wearing a white business suit with torn panty hose and orthopedic shoes. Every. single. fucking. time.

3.Wears makeup but in excess, her foundation doesnt match. Think Tammy Faye, but on crack. Huge blotches of pink, its like how I felt watching Sarah Palin on the debates, someone blend her cheeks dammit.

I dont know if she's a hobo, or an insane math teacher. She always carries a suitcase and quite possibly is just an eccentric professor who is figuring out the speed of light or something smart. I want to high five her and then spray her with purell.

Dear Adam Brody,

Dear Adam Brody (Or to whom it may concern:)

My youngest (and only) sister has left for college, after repeated threats to move out of my house my mother offered the only thing she could, a new room. I was getting used to my dungeon, I had even timed my fan to hit me in all the right spots so that my body would not wither up if given the chance. Even though I have become accustomed to this death trap that I call home I was happy and ready to move onto cooler pastures.

Even though my sister has been at home for 18 years I for some reason (maybe ignorance, maybe bliss?) had ignored her walls. It wasn't until tonight on the eve of my revolution against my awful university* that I decided I was going to start the redecoration process. The first small step was to remove what was on her walls.

Thats when I noticed it, you, Adam Brody, Star of the once popular television mellowdrama the OC were plastered all over her walls. I had no idea you were so popular, is it your playful smile or your eyes that look straight into my soul, or was it the fact that you were cashing in on your boyhood charm that was now paying for your over priced yacht and house over looking the Hollywood Hills? Maybe someone the studio hired to only plump up your ego told you that you were hott, you were so hott that you needed to spell hott with two t's. They also told you that you should cash in on this phenomenon that is your face. Either way I had no idea that it was possible to have so many pictures of you in one place. I woke up this morning and scared the shit out of myself because I caught you staring at me. Either way your face (along with your career) is going in the same place I put my Davey Havok poster collection, in a box under my bed.

In my next installment of what the fuck were you thinking, I am going to be writing to Colin Farrell and the cast of High School Musical.

ARCNO**(give me a beat)

I know I know. It's been a long time since I have updated and my 7 or so readers have been complaining (not). I haven't found any reason to update even though there have been many hilarious moments in my life.

I started this summer looking for a job I put a good solid 2 weeks of effort, I was offered a few jobs but seeing as im lazy I turned a lot of things down. I was yelled at by principals and swindled by other people but my spirits were still high. After one eventful day I heard about a job for social activism. I immediately started thinking of how my autobiography would go..."For a while I was a social activist, I helped bring about change in third world countries while also bringing the gift of laughter to young impoverished children." Apparently though I was headed for the surprise of my lifetime when I actually became a social activist.

This organization is pretty well known, they have offices around the country and for the most part are a decent well thought out organization which fights for communities. ARCNO* started working with Project Election* which was supposed to register people to vote around different cities. The first meeting/ (job interview) they basically explained the entire process to us and to weed out anyone who really didn't want to do this. We were there for 3 hours and as the head of Project Election* had scared us by telling us we needed 20 voter registration cards or we'd be fired, we needed to be outgoing or we'd be fired, we needed to be heartless or we'd be fired... you get the drift. I should have taken that first warning sign and ran far far away.

So I went from social activist to canvaser. The first day I was really unprepared, I brought water and sunscreen and that was it. They gave me a clipboard, sent me with 3 other people to a seemingly safe part of town. The first few minutes of my new job were glorious! I ended up getting 2 people to register, after hearing horror stories of going hours without one person I felt as if I could do this job. Some people were nice and other people were assholes but I guess that was to be expected. The first day I ended up getting 15 voter registration cards with only 3 that were unusable. Which was pretty good, I came home burnt, with a bit of sun stroke but I was enthusiastic. To my horror the next day was the straw that broke the camels back.

I was prepared the next day to do better, I brought a backpack, I had everything you'd need to be a hobo in my city. Apparently because I was bilingual my boss thought it would be hilarious and productive if he sent me to the downtown bus station. I went with 2 other people and off we went. Within the first 20 minutes of work I was able to coax a young man into registering to vote, he told me with a stern face "IF I DONT GET MY FAVORITE SEAT ON THE BUS IM GOING TO BE REALLY ANGRY" so I hoped for my sake (and his) he got his god damn favorite seat. I encountered people who did not understand why they had to put a zip code. I would calmly explain that we needed a zip code to send the card in the mail but in my head I would wonder how exactly these people were surviving in society.

I then met an older gentleman who refused to register to vote. Seeing as im the type of person who wants to know why exactly one doesn't want to vote I pestered him for a hot minute. He saw my enthusiasm and decided to tell me exactly why he doesn't want to vote.
1. The government doesn't care about him.
-- He had the word GUILTY tattooed on his neck and said the government gave him a bad rap, he was being judged unfairly.
2. He had 3 felonies he wondered how many until you can't vote. I told him 1 felony wasn't enough but 3 was too many. Then I laughed nervously, because you should definitely make fun of a guy in a makeshift alleyway in the middle of the day when he out weighs you by 300 lbs.

However instead of making me into a fabulous skin suit he decided to ask about me and what I was doing with my life. I told him that I was still in school and hopefully going to law school. His eyes lit up and with a serious face he asks me if I would ever defend him (in case of course he wants to have 4 felonies, after 6 felonies you get a free hat) I told him sure but I wouldn't be a lawyer for a few years but to look me up. To which he wrote down my name and the next time he was in trouble he'd ask for me.

Most people would have ran but I decided of all the possibilities I could encounter by walking the streets with the cities most interesting people. Of course on the inside I was dying but I lied to myself and said I could do it.

I encountered many ex cons who would flash me a sly grin and say "sorry mami I have a record" and as unfortunate as this sounds, they all look the same, neck tattoos and a distaste for law enforcement. The best part of my job was the hobos, or as one of them said "in transition individuals". Surprisingly a lot of hobos had addresses...and drivers licenses...but thats another story. I did have a few "crazy hobos" tell me I was pretty and ask me if I'd like to go on a date with them. The thought crossed my mind I wont lie but unfortunately I denied most of their advances.

By the end of the day I was emotionally drained and definitely suffering from sun stroke. My asthma was acting up and when I enthusiastically told my mom about the awesome people I had encountered she had to talk me out of going back to work. I explained to her that the streets had called out my name and this was my calling she threw aloe vera on me and told me to go to bed.

Social activist one day, unemployed college student the next.


** names have been changed...because I don't want to get sued.

sushi, lou rawls, nipples

Last Thursday (as in 2 days ago) I went to my best friends workplace, and hung out with her and watched her close shop. She works in a hipster part of town but still sort of dangerous (I don't know if that adds onto the hipster points or subtracts) and we're convinced its mildly haunted.

I met one of the regular customers, a mild mannered 27 year old medical coder who had medium length white socks on and shorts I was not enamored like my counterpart was with his dorky white socks and adorable short stature.

As she coincidentally finished cleaning up early we decided to go and eat sushi because what else does one do after they finish working at a hipster coffee place. We went to "The sushi place" (actual name im not that clever) and it's this tiny adorable place by all the bars. Immediately I saw it was prime spot to take your date if you wanted to impress him or her. We sat down and noticed that there were hyenas everywhere. The table next to us had at least 15+ girls screeching/laughing/gossiping which if you combine that noise you get a hyena who is being murdered slowly. We figured out that the one with the headband was the culprit of the noise, the new goal was now to kill headband girl. We planned on throwing chopsticks at her until she settled down but we realized we'd be kicked out and trampled by her sidekick(s) so we tried to tune out the pack but it was hard. I was getting irritated because this tiny place could not hold the sound decibels these women were producing. I feared for my life because frankly the doors were glass, the sushi producing thingamabob was glass and the table, GLASS.

The other patrons were getting annoyed you heard a few well placed "SHHHHHHH's" and the girls would turn, and instantly you felt 500 beady eyes staring at you wondering what YOUR problem was. To distract from my potential problem I noticed the couple to the right of me was on the most awkward date. Luckily I know how to ease drop and I was listening to them talk. Let me describe the situation in further detail:

Guy was wearing a button down green? red? I don't know shirt and his khaki pants were nearly raised up to his knees, way past his ankles so I realized taper city when he stood up (I would have been past delight and into the point of ecstasy if they had been high waters) but unfortunately they hit the top of his shoes like clockwork. I think he had penny loafers on, I don't know what penny loafers are for guys except I know if I saw them id be screaming "oh hey virgin whats up you wanna buy me a Shirley temple?" His date looked like a college sorority delphinium phi she had this brown shirt on and RED JEANS. I am probably colorblind as I believe everything matches with black but bitch plz, red jeans? Really? Going past her outfit I realized the stuff coming out of her mouth was PRICELESS.
"You know when I graduate what am I going to do? I cant just pour coffee for the rest of my life, I mean yeah I could...I had to work up the ladder to get to the position I am at. It's really hard out there!"

Our food came, it was delicious, I cant use chopsticks I figured out how to do it incorrectly, we had miso soup which was also delicious "It tastes like the sea!"

All in all good night. I will leave everyone with words from my mentor: I know how to bust a move!

up the punx!

No me importa lo que
piensa la gente de mí
que si traigo el pelo
de alguna manera
porque me gusta traerlo asi
Que por qué escucho
ese tipo de música??
si es la que me gusta oir

Critican todo lo que ven en mí
inventan chismes que no son ciertos
Con quien hablo, con quién salgo,
con quién ando,
que te importa? es mi vida
si yo no le hago daño a nadie
quién eres tú para decirme
cómo vivir, quién eres tú?

Me vale lo que piensen,hablen de mí
es mi vida y yo soy asi,simón!!
me vale lo que piensen,hablen de mí
es mi vida y yo soy asi!

Chorus
Porque me vale vale vaale,
me vale todo
Me vale vale vaale,
me vale todo
si no me entienden o comprenden
pues ya ni modo!
porque me vale vale vaale
me vale todo

No puedes criticar algo
sin conocerlo primero
sere muy feo por afuera
pero muy bello por adentro
si eres una de esas personas
te tengo una solución
en vez de estar fregando
y molestandome asi
dedicate a encontrar
que esta mal en tí
por que...

Me vale lo que piensen
hablen de mí, es mi vida
y yo soy asi, simón!
Me vale lo que piensen,
hablen de mí, es mi vida
y yo soy asi por que...

Chorus-repeat

Mientras los reprimidos
andan aburridos
yo no ando, de jodido
no tengo broncas
porque soy yo mismo

Hablen lo que quieran...

qué piensa o murmura la gente de mi?
qué piensan los vecinos de mi?
qué piensan los maestros de mi?
qué piensa la autoridad de mí?
qué piensan mis padres de mí?
qué piensan mis suegros de mí?
qué piensa todo el mundo de mí?
Sólo tengo que decir:
me vaaaaaaaaleeee
me vaaaaaaaleee

ponganse al tanto
porque el mundo gira rápido
ponganse al tiro
o se quedarán atrás



The summer of badass is really turning out well.

ill keep the sun in my eyes, but i dont mind.

In accordance to never showing my face on this blog, Im showing my 5 or so readers how I spend my hard earned money. Im considering moving away soon, I need another city far far away, this one has recently become too small, everyone knows everyone and it's getting annoying. Hopefully I can go somewhere that will accept me for my sweet ink brah.*


* I hope this sweet ink will wash off my Wednesday when I have to work, lol.

beyond the gray sky

School is out for the summer. I finished my last final a few hours ago.

Summer of awesome has officially started!

Summer goals:
Learn to do this!

dear indie hipster sitting a few seats away from me,

dear indie hipster sitting a few seats away from me,

technology is allowing us to view each others libraries on itunes. for a moment i was embarrassed that you would see my disgusting amount of nortena music (it's my moms btw im too lazy to delete it) but then i saw that you have garth brooks so my embarrassment changed into shock and later disgust. you do have rage against the machine but no deftones so i dont know if our relationship can progress past the itunes stage. however, fortunately we share many similarities.

1. we both have greasy hair. i think yours is a fashion statement, mine however is being lazy/not having enough time to completely de-grease from last nights festivities (i know, gross)
2. we both sort of like the same music, you enjoy garth brooks and i enjoy juanes. theres no shame, just embrace it.
3. we're both greasy right now.


I know, we're meant for one another. Please reach me at this blog for further instructions.

-the girl with the greasy hair and better music taste.

p.s. can i borrow your 80s music cd?

smack smack

Cherry m&ms= SKITTLES
Chocolate Skittles=m&ms



The world no longer makes sense.

you're only 17

I should not assume that because cough syrup is purple it will taste like grape. A better assumption is that the older you get cough syrup will taste fucking awful regardless of color.


While googling this medicine I found out that 1. It has codeine and will loosen up the junk in my lungs
2. At higher doses, this medication may also cause light-headedness, drowsiness, slowed breathing, and an exaggerated sense of well-being.


Here's to 'trippin balls' lol.

the colt

Today I bought Anacin which is apparently caffeine+ aspirin!! So I am suppose to be hyper AND sans pain. As I spent 1.69 for four tiny pills of guaranteed greatness I did not bother to read the back which states:


DO NOT TAKE IF YOU HAVE ASTHMA. YOU WILL DIE!!!

Awesome.


/currently waiting impending death.

es la noche de sexo

Watching TV today for a brief moment I realized how disgusted I am with how relationships are portrayed. Why are women and men attracted to the assholes? This phenomenon has gotten to the point where the more women are put down and treated like shit, the greater the attraction is.

There are many theories as to why some women prefer the verbal abuse to a stress free environment.

1. He's not really an asshole, he's a nice guy in disguise.
Sorry ladies (and gentleman) an asshole is usually (surprise surprise) an asshole. There is no mask, in fact he is usually the only type of man who shows his true colors right away. Thank him for his honesty and save yourself the hassle. If the first time you meet him you are annoyed with something he has sad, disgusted at how he treats women, furious at his demeanor. DON'T STICK AROUND. This is a precursor to your life together. RUN AWAY! Don't look back, pat yourself on the back for avoiding this pitfall that is the number 1.

Type of people who are usually an up-front asshole.
1. Guidos

If you're with a guido, you have more problems then just him being an asshole.
2. Frat guys, anyone with a "popped collar"

If he has a trucker hat, RUN AWAY. If you do manage to ignore these warning signs, prepare to enjoy a life of keggers, ashton kutcher jokes and soulja boy.


2. I can change him! The intellectual asshole.
Usually confused with number 1's theory. No you can't change him. If anything you're going to turn into a bitter, angry women who will punish all men in the future for trying to change this man. He might not start off as an asshole, you met him in your political science class. If he was arguing with the professor, yawning and making jokes at the professors lecture then obviously, he is an asshole. Discussion is fine, but general talking just to hear yourself talk means you're a douchebag. Dating this type of asshole will usually mean he will degrade you in front of his friends for not understanding Homi Bhabha*. Just avoid him at all costs, you're probably smarter and he's going to graduate with a degree in philosophy, don't worry, there are tons of philosophy jobs available.

1. Type of men who are usually intellectual assholes
- Men who carry messenger bags, if they are leather, run away.
- They are taking only philosphy, some literature class they don't need and political science classes because they want to make a difference.


3. The music snob
This last type of asshole is the kind that looks like an asshole from the beginning. However he will not come up front and show his true colors. He is a sneaky bastard, usually pretending to be a tortured musician* or music lover who is misunderstood because of his tattoos and way of dressing. He's just waiting for the right kind of girl who will listen to his 12" knife fight* limited pressing and will appreciate his suave record collection. Any chance of holding onto your individuality is gone with this asshole, before you know it you'll be wearing band tees, shopping at American Apparel and have at least one state tattoo with a heart around your city. ALSO, art students whose music section is "broken social scene, camera obscura, cat power, feist, new order, explosions in the sky". RUN AWAY.

Type of men to avoid
1. If he's wearing a hatebreed hoodie, RUN AWAY. Same goes for bane,madball.
2.


*** Disclaimer, the third type of asshole isn't usually hardcore. This type of guy can usually be into any kind of music.


Women, you've had your warnings. Im not going to generalize and assume every guy who fits this bill is an asshole, but most are. Trust your instincts, if it feels weird and you have dozens of red flags going off in your head, believe them.

* no one really understands Homi Bhabha
* These pictures are just pictures, I dont know if any of them are really assholes I can only assume.

Brains! I want your brains!

I sometimes feel as if starting every blog with "I" is wrong HOWEVER, since this is mine I will hopefully start every post with I.

The Godfather has been said to be the greatest trilogy ever, I have decided that these people have not seen the greatest quadriology ever known to man.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD pts 1, 2, 3, 4

Part 1: The Return of the Living dead (1985)
This, is by most accounts the best and brightest of the quadriology. It has punk rock zombies, lethal gas and nakedness (but only for a moment.) The music is awesome and the special effects-phenomenal. Not to mention the soundtrack, AMAZING.

1. "Surfin' Dead" - The Cramps
2. "Party Time" - 45 Grave
3. "Nothing For You" - T.S.O.L.
4. "Eyes Without A Face" - The Flesh Eaters
5. "Burn The Flames" - Roky Erickson
6. "Dead Beat Dance" - The Damned
7. "Take A Walk" - Tall Boys
8. "Love Under Will" - Jet Black Berries
9. "Tonight (We'll Make Love Until We Die)" - SSQ
10. "Trash's Theme" - SSQ

random fact: Some of the zombie extras were paid more to eat real calf brains in the film. Dan O'Bannon didn't want the actors to do anything he wasn't willing to do and ate some raw calf brains first in front of them.


Part 2: Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988)
This movie sort of picks up where the other one left off, ideally set in the same "town". Some kids unearth the toxic gas which brings the dead back to life. These zombies are smart and apparently it takes a bulldozer to kill them, decapitation only makes the brain eating take longer. It sort of lacks in the lol's but definitely brings along the cheese. Also, if anyone notices they reuse the same two characters

Random fact: The telephone number 311-555-8674 printed on the zombie canisters was a real life number at the time of production. The line was reserved for "Non-emergency special applications".




Part 3: Return of the Living Dead III (1995)
So by this time you'd think that they would know this toxic gas is bad for the general wellbeing of the world, but once again, an army mishap brings along the laughs as a young man tries to bring back his dead lover because he was too stupid to learn that driving fast on a motorcycle= death. He pains to bring her back to life but is shocked when she turns into a zombie. Oh the horror.

Memorable quotes: Curt Reynolds: Julie, are you eating him? You should stop it.

Part 4: So apparently there are actually 5 movies from this series, however the last 2 are stupid and should not be mentioned.

motherfuckas

The last post I made I was complaining about a stupid truck who cut me off. Little did I know a few days later I would have walked away from one of the most awful accidents of my life.

I was in a head on collision a few days ago that I walked away from. It was awful, my friend (now sister for life)'s car was totaled and we unfortunately had to go in an ambulance to the hospital.

For a brief moment I thought I had died but then I remembered when you die, enya plays (I dont know if this is true but I'm assuming). Since I heard no enya I realized holy shit I am alive, and so is my friend. In the midst of the entire debacle that we were in we were lucky (and unlucky to be in that situation) that our ambulance emt guy was A FOX. I know in my state of shock I might overreact but if he had told me "hey do you want me to take advantage of you right now" I probably would have agreed wholeheartedly. Ann agreed also that he was gorgeous and I am still contemplating sending him a cookie cake. During the hospital ride apparently we kept asking a bunch of questions, I was a little miffed that we ended up getting the old guy, but he took good care of both of us.

We went to the hospital where Ann and I made a few more funnies to the hospital staff and I kept demanding to see Ann but in my debilitated state they gave me a shot of sweet sweet pain medicine that made me feel like dancing so I didn't get to see her till I was being discharged.

All in all, Ann and I have now become one person. One awfully cranky, bruised, burned, mean, HILARIOUS person. We are inseparable and invincible. I know most of my blog is a joke and filled with (what I believe) are funny parts of my life, but this is one post that will be 100 percent serious.

Wear your seatbelts, it saved our lives.


Blogger out.

Phat Lips

A few days ago I was driving to school, minding my own business singing along to Gogol Bordello when this hyped up over zealous white Ford 5150 with the balls hanging off of the back is suddenly speeding up and on its way to re-enacting a scene from (Ok I dont know any car movies where a gigantic stupid truck cuts off a mini van) but this asshole cut me off, and went out of his way to go over 80 in a section of road where the speed limit is 45. So as I am preparing to die an untimely fiery death a few things are running through my head:

1. Linkin Park is now playing, when the fire fighters come to get my mangled burnt but still adorable corpse out of the van are they going to think I am lame and then laugh at me.
2. Do I really want to die wearing this? I did not look cool that day.
3. I worked for 2 difficult weeks and I havent been paid yet, oh my god I worked for nothing those sons of bitches will have had free labor!
4. Does enya play when you die? I assume its something lame and flowy, anytime something sad happens they always go to enya.

And with that last thought I decided to live, however by this time the truck had passed me by and I was almost at school so the crisis was over.

But asshole, if you're reading this I hope you know that one day, a tough, yet sensual minivan is going to cut you off motherfucker. (expletives necessary for visual)