motherfuckas

The last post I made I was complaining about a stupid truck who cut me off. Little did I know a few days later I would have walked away from one of the most awful accidents of my life.

I was in a head on collision a few days ago that I walked away from. It was awful, my friend (now sister for life)'s car was totaled and we unfortunately had to go in an ambulance to the hospital.

For a brief moment I thought I had died but then I remembered when you die, enya plays (I dont know if this is true but I'm assuming). Since I heard no enya I realized holy shit I am alive, and so is my friend. In the midst of the entire debacle that we were in we were lucky (and unlucky to be in that situation) that our ambulance emt guy was A FOX. I know in my state of shock I might overreact but if he had told me "hey do you want me to take advantage of you right now" I probably would have agreed wholeheartedly. Ann agreed also that he was gorgeous and I am still contemplating sending him a cookie cake. During the hospital ride apparently we kept asking a bunch of questions, I was a little miffed that we ended up getting the old guy, but he took good care of both of us.

We went to the hospital where Ann and I made a few more funnies to the hospital staff and I kept demanding to see Ann but in my debilitated state they gave me a shot of sweet sweet pain medicine that made me feel like dancing so I didn't get to see her till I was being discharged.

All in all, Ann and I have now become one person. One awfully cranky, bruised, burned, mean, HILARIOUS person. We are inseparable and invincible. I know most of my blog is a joke and filled with (what I believe) are funny parts of my life, but this is one post that will be 100 percent serious.

Wear your seatbelts, it saved our lives.


Blogger out.

Phat Lips

A few days ago I was driving to school, minding my own business singing along to Gogol Bordello when this hyped up over zealous white Ford 5150 with the balls hanging off of the back is suddenly speeding up and on its way to re-enacting a scene from (Ok I dont know any car movies where a gigantic stupid truck cuts off a mini van) but this asshole cut me off, and went out of his way to go over 80 in a section of road where the speed limit is 45. So as I am preparing to die an untimely fiery death a few things are running through my head:

1. Linkin Park is now playing, when the fire fighters come to get my mangled burnt but still adorable corpse out of the van are they going to think I am lame and then laugh at me.
2. Do I really want to die wearing this? I did not look cool that day.
3. I worked for 2 difficult weeks and I havent been paid yet, oh my god I worked for nothing those sons of bitches will have had free labor!
4. Does enya play when you die? I assume its something lame and flowy, anytime something sad happens they always go to enya.

And with that last thought I decided to live, however by this time the truck had passed me by and I was almost at school so the crisis was over.

But asshole, if you're reading this I hope you know that one day, a tough, yet sensual minivan is going to cut you off motherfucker. (expletives necessary for visual)

electronic with a salsa beat and 3 keyboards

Yesterday at work I had to monitor the halls while the kids took the TAKS test, They had from 830 in the morning to 230 in the afternoon to finish this exam. During that time they wanted me to stand out there and escort kids to the bathroom because TAKS= serious business. I was doing alright for the first hour and a half, I calculated how many cartwheels I'd be able to do down the long hallway (at least 10 but if I started correctly definitely 14-15) and I started thinking about what color I should dye my hair. Then I started planning my life and then I worried when I realized I was 21 and still in college, I can pretty much give myself a quarter life crisis any day of the week when I really try.

Around 10 am I had finally calmed down and wasn't really worried about my life or how it hasn't really started so then of course, as if on schedule I started to worry and initially have a mini panic attack. Is this what prison is like? I'm sure in prison they aren't confined to 3 feet and made to sit down every single time you got close to walking a bit PAST the hall, by the evil Social Studies teacher who has been there for 57 years. At least in prison you get to have fights and get awesome prison tats (I want my last name in old english covered with cry now/laugh later faces.) Actually I think prison would be worse but it took all my strength not to walk down the stairs and run for freedom, to frolick in the grass and then die a little because it's allergy season.

I've been having extremely vivid dreams lately, I wonder if they are some sort of omen? I guess I should be worried, in most of the dreams they are showing me ALMOST die which makes me sad cause each way is really lame and I really doubt I'm going to be eaten by sharks or be trampled at a Hanson concert. Oh god I could be trampled at a Hanson concert they are popping up everywhere.

I miss my youth.